desperate and true, i’m thinking about you

i ask alot of questions


what am i doing here

and why are you next to me

and what does life mean

without you in it too

and why do you make me shine so bright

during the night

and why you have to be so alone

time as passed and i don’t want to live without you

but i suppose i have 

so i can now too

did you get my letter in a bottle

filled with my bottled up feelings 

what is hell

besides a world filled

with dandelions 

and wishes that have been

wished upon said dandelions

that do not come true

Painting update (again!!!) of a dear friend #aw #cute #paint #painting #art #artwork #acrylic #studio #paterson #nj #letmepaintyoutoo (at fortress of solitude)

Painting update (again!!!) of a dear friend #aw #cute #paint #painting #art #artwork #acrylic #studio #paterson #nj #letmepaintyoutoo (at fortress of solitude)

Cube painting (with more to come) #paint #painting #acrylic #canvas #large #studio #art #artwork #ishouldrealluupdatemyinstagrammore #ihatetechnology #paterson #nj  (at fortress of solitude)

Cube painting (with more to come) #paint #painting #acrylic #canvas #large #studio #art #artwork #ishouldrealluupdatemyinstagrammore #ihatetechnology #paterson #nj (at fortress of solitude)

Man’s search for black ham #ham #graffiti #pink #paterson #nj #art #streetart  (at da hood)

Man’s search for black ham #ham #graffiti #pink #paterson #nj #art #streetart (at da hood)

As my day dragged on from one
Uninteresting occurrence to the next,
I watched the old man who manages
The apartment building I live in
Come home;
First he parks his car, steps out, and
Checks inside of the car with a
Flashlight as if looking for a looming
Life revelation that resides between
The cushions of his ‘96 ford sedan;
Then he carefully inspects under the car, looking for unknown what’s and who’s and where’s, and lastly
Inspects the trunk; as if it is the safe-haven for all of life’s mysteries to unfold themselves before his eyes in such an obvious place;
He may have been looking for answers the unanswered questions, or rather looking around his car for
He has a deeply imbedded paranoia
That plagues him;
Then I thought,
I am not much different from the paranoid man who lives in apartment 5,
I search every nook, corner, and cranny for a reason to seem spiteful
Toward people of this age, to hate
The words they speak, the things they
Do, etc etc;
I look forward to a life of prosperity
And (wealth) not in the literal tense
But I do not feel like i will reach
Such a peak until
I have cleansed myself of all
Of life’s pseudo niceties

These days weigh heavy
And I’m pushing “if onlys”
Through my head in a cycle

What makes me laugh is the fact
That women I have slept
With have always had
The tendency
To call and text me
How great the sex was, how
Amazing I felt,
Much attention I spent paying
Attention to their clitoris,
Making them come,
Making her moan,
Crying for more,
Then I stop;
I clothe myself;
Say, thank you for such a wonderful
Night, kiss her;
Beg for more reluctantly;
The leave for another woman who
Has caught my interest for another
I know what I want,
And what I want is what I want,
But if what I want does not want me,
I move on, move on to my sexual, sweet, womanizing ways; and fuck, and fuck, and fuck ‘til I find another worthy of my love, forever and ever

Some men play games,
Isn’t that right?
I have a fun game of
Lets see how many
Whores I can fuck before
I find the right one;
Before I find the one to follow
Me to the Canary Islands,
To fish with me
Before all my artistic
Words run dry;
Before she stops singing
And dancing,
Rejoicing in god’s words,
Dancing to songs that
Have no rhythm;
She has to have a will,
Forged of steel,
Forcing itself beyond my aspirations,
Making its own path alongside my own;
Competing with my solid words,
With her abstract ones,
Butting heads as we move along
In a world of uncertainty and despaire, loving each other more deeply as we fight and argue who has the better philosophy;
A world build on world war z,
A world of fear and loathing,
(Thanks hunter)
Or a world of anti-heroes not
Wanting much for saving,
Or joyous events,
Or children living with lies;